Noah @bee@honey.town

https://medium.com/@amparker/what-about-the-rapists-and-murderers-7a81955b772c

(this is the article I read to remind myself of that though, in case anyone else needs a read)

I’d already read this rhetoric before but it helped to see it again and remind myself that abolition isn’t the question at hand- I’m not having a crisis of faith in the importance of prison abolition, I’m having a crisis of my faith in the innate good in humanity. I believe in humanity at heart and it’s difficult for me to comprehend how a person could normalize the level of violence this patient has. I’m working through it, though.

I think the big issue for me isn’t so much that I think “oh prison will fix this” or “I hope this man goes back to jail” but that I’m faced with the stark reality again that there is no accountability or rehabilitation that I see from this person yet, and I’m shocked by how long that path is going to be. Like holy shit, some folks are truly living in such a morally corrupt mindset, it kills me to see it.

i need to find some abolitionist literature that discusses this specific situation, because wow, the urge to revert back to “holy shit, this man should be prevented from being amongst society” is strong when a patient shows no remorse for his violence.

if anyone has any recs, let me know, i’m havin a crisis of faith abt this.

one of my patients yesterday was an ex-drug dealer who casually mentioned assaulting women and being violently transphobic, and it’s so hard to not just be haunted by the damage that this one man has done to countless people. like, i’m there to be his support through recovery, but holy shit, the things this dude has done. it’s such a crisis of faith to know i have to care for someone who shows no remorse for what he’s done.

man, my job at the clinic has some really bright spots, and there are some good fucking days there, but sometimes there are days like yesterday and the things a patient said to me will keep me up at night, horrified.

owch misgendering at work by coworkers i enjoy but who can’t be fucked to get my pronouns or learn about trans ppl. ow ow ow.

i need to get a tubal ligation and get on prep bcs i’m about to become the biggest fucking slut.

god damn but estradiol vaginal cream is some good fucking shit. i should have started this shit moooonths ago, i could’ve been having PIV sex for aaaaages. 😩

damn, i wish being insanely good at cleaning at 3am was a more applicable life skill

as of june, i have had 2 catalytic converters stolen, two cars totaled (one due to a hit-and-run, another due to the fact that it is impossible to get said catalytic converters) and just got my second rental car’s back window smashed…. there was nothing in the rental car.

all the while i have literally just been going to work everyday. 100% of these things have happened while going to, returning from, the clinic.

not to be an asshole, but i feel like my karma should be better than this.

@baldursgatito i wanna repost so bad but captions </3

@geesehoward i’m sending u love, diabetes care is a fuckin bitch and a half i’m so sorry