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a story about detransitioning* 

someone very close to me came out as nonbinary in 2011. they used a different name and pronouns, and they cut their hair short.

in 2015 they detransitioned (dt) and presented as a cis woman. i’ve talked to this person at length, as they’re very close to me, and they didn’t dt because they felt they were cis. they dt’d because they are ambivalent about their gender performance, and they felt increasingly unsafe performing androgyny in their environment. (1/4)

a story about detransitioning* 

they still present as a woman now, but their attitude towards gender and identity is the same: they feel disconnected from womanhood and gender, but have found safety and comfort in performing it, instead of the fear and threat of violence they felt when performing nonconformity.

most folks who detransition do so for these reasons: they are tired of the threat of violence, or they want to present more/less like a binary gender. (2/4)

a story about detransitioning* 

when folks talk about gender abolition and the importance of trans liberation and queer theory in leftism, it’s not because trans and queer people deserve to be assimilated and viewed as acceptable or normal.

it’s because the concept of gender as a requirement with structure and rules of performance is violent and harmful to everyone who exists within it. (3/4)

a story about detransitioning* 

whether a person is cis, trans, nonbinary, questioning, unlabeled, or a combination of the above, surviving a world that treats gender nonconformity with violence, distrust, and disgust is traumatic.

gender abolitionists/postgenderism fails bcs it tries to enforce a lack of gender- trans liberation succeeds bcs it demands for gender nonconformity to be welcomed, not feared.

experiencing and performing gender is not the issue- the policing of gender is.

(fin)

re: a story about detransitioning* 

@bee dropped the fucking mic on me. hell yeah.

a story about detransitioning* 

@bee I want to boost this a thousand times.

re: a story about detransitioning* 

@bee this is such a big, depressing mood. I've been "out" as nonbinary for 5 or 6 years, but I'm afraid to be myself with jobs, parents, and I don't touch my appearance at all. I am completely apathetic to how I look because I am terrified of other people hurting me for it.

a story about detransitioning* 

@bee oof. i did this for a few years, i think the concept of safety and comfort in the performance is like, my life from 2012 to 2018. super high femme just to hide the pain oof.

a story about detransitioning* 

@glitterwitch @bee I remember when I was around 20/21 and I discovered the whole concept of being genderqueer and I was so excited! Finally something that could actually describe my relationship with gender! So I read more and talked about it with friends, and it was great, until I realised just how much our society hates genderqueer/nonbinary/agender people, as well as other trans people, so back into that particular closet I went for another 10 years or so

a story about detransitioning* 

@dreadpirateyarr @bee 😭 this is real homg. i first tried to be publicly trans/gnc in 2012 and i got made fun of as a tumblrina and just. broke my tiny heart.

a story about detransitioning* 

@glitterwitch @bee ugh, fuck those people 💜

a story about detransitioning* 

@bee does the person call this dt? I’m a bit confused by the concept of nonbinary dt and always curious abt how ppl refer to it for themselves - it does most often seem to be this kind of scenario where we just “give up” on being seen differently and go back to being assumed cis

I feel like in these situations dy is a misnomer that links the need to be safe from violence to narratives about people who feel they were “pressured” into being trans that terfs love

a story about detransitioning* 

@bee it’s so hard to talk about the concept of dt in general bc transition is so personal - there’s people who do the same actions as someone who might consider themselves dt who still consider that part of their transition. Like, for example, I started binding and took t full time for about 2 years. I don’t consider stopping that 4yrs ago a dt but I know some folks would!

a story about detransitioning* 

@cosmic they called it “changing their mind”- i think dt has become a buzzword for terfs and i wanted to turn its use on its head. but they’re okay with me using the term!

a story about detransitioning*, tangent 1/? 

@bee
This gives me a recollection of a thing. I have some details lost but to the best of my memory:
There was some gender clinic in europe that was very conservative - people were expected to be binary, and to aim to meet the cis-binary ideals as best as they could.

Apparently in about 4,000 people who had been through that clinic, i think it was only 30-something (36 or 38?) that actually detransitioned.

a story about detransitioning*, tangent 2/? 

@bee
About half of those hadn't actually fully detransitioned, they just hadn't wanted all of the treatments they'd been pushed into getting.

About the other half were still very much trans, but they'd detransitioned due to a lack of support, due to the ways the people around them teated them, it was just easier to go back into the closet.

a story about detransitioning*, tangent 3/? 

@bee
And one, just one person in that four thousand detransitioned because they felt they were no longer trans.

I would really like to find where i heard this again and look into it more; someone had also commented that apparently the 1/4000 number seems to be similar to other places which i would also like to look into.

a story about detransitioning*, tangent 4/4 

@bee
But the main relevance is: most of the people who did detrans did so due to either the mistreatment toward them from the people around them, or being pushed into treatment they didn't really want (which one *could* argue, is the same as the former point)

(And also the few people who do detrans bc they were or are actually cis also do need support. Just because they're rare doesn't mean overlooking them is okay.)

a story about detransitioning* 

@bee one could argue this is not dt at all, because their gender identity didn't change, just how they present... sounds like they are nb and passing :/

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honey.town

honey.town is a small hive of 6,001 bees, most of which are in a trenchcoat, and one that's simply buzzing around.