Another fantastic question!!

love to give sex tips! most how-tos around vulvas are filled with truly terrible advice.

I love discussing porn! Let’s get into it!

There are no studies showing testosterone is an adequate birth control measure! Safety first!

Short answer: YES! Long answer: also yes.

I hear this question all the time! The messaging we get around hookup culture and how to communicate during sex is so inadequate!

i’m reaching capacity for right now, so i’m going to take a break! feel free to keep sending in questions, all of them will eventually be answered! 🍒

sidenote, my venmo is @ juicebat, shoot me a tip for the free labor & expertise if you have the coin!

Okay, I’m back! I got a kitten appointment for the cutie in 30 but I’ll be answering questions for the rest of the night! Keep sending them!

This is a super valid question, especially considering COVID!

Another stellar question- and the fact that you asked it proves you’re already on the right track! Recognizing our boundaries is the first step to respecting them!

Here’s the link to the list I mentioned:
https://bookriot.com/100-sex-education-books/

There are also TONS of great sex ed podcasts out there! And amazing educators doing work on instagram! Most of the educators I follow are kink, disability, or racial justice centered- if you have questions about them lemme know and I can recommend some!

My only other rec is a shoutout to Ericka Hart M.Ed. (@ ihartericka on instagram). They teach me more every day!

Honestly if there’s not a kink instance yet then there should be... kinksters would love mastodon. They already really like twitter, and we’re just better twitter!

Such a great question! I’m biased answering this question- small dicks are my favorite dicks. 🥳

Flying solo is great! But engaging with our bodies in the moment is a practice in mindfulness, and can be really hard (ha ha) in the moment!

Ah, tinder, where our hopes go to die.

Practice makes....better than it was before!

okay, time for another break! whew! 🍒

thank you to y’all donating to my venmo (@/juicebat), i’ll be finding out if i lose my job and health insurance on wednesday so i’m pretty stressed about money at the moment & every bit helps!

alright! back in it with another super common question! there are lots of better folks to answer this than me (folks who have been in successful poly relationships for longer) but....here’s the advice i do have!

Not yet, but it’s in the works!

@bee this is a really good answer :3

@rabbithearth 7 years of experience paying off! 😉

@bee this thread is awesome, thanks so much for sharing your wisdom!!

@bee your Anon could follow some folks in kinky.business, I haven't seen much of the community yet but it seems like a cool place from my initial foray :eyes: 🖤

@bee a good resource on this is Clementine Morrigan's work they're on insta. some of it is about polyamory but also just sex n trauma in general

@rain yes absolutely!!

@bee okay so my question is basically, what should people know about sti testing?

but specifically, what all do you need to get tested for? (like, what's available and what's the most important?) is there a waiting period for results so like, you should go at least n days in advance of anticipated sexual activity? how often should you get tested? stuff like that.

@rain oh my gosh! amazing question! this will probably be a multi-part answer bcs of character limits but...

when people are getting tested for STIs, say, they had an anonymous partner, didn’t use protection, and want to get a “full” STI panel, there are three types of tests that will probably happen: swab, urine, and blood. all three test for different STIs (with some overlap) but most of the time, only a few STIs are being tested for at most places. 1/?

@rain i’m going to use planned parenthood as an example because they’re kinda the gold standard for free/low cost STI testing!

at my local PP clinic, if you’re asking for a “full” STI panel, you’re getting a blood test for HIV, hep B, and syphilis, a urine test for gonorrhea and chlamydia, and maybe a swab test or culture, if you have sores or pus. again, this will depend on region, where you go to get tested, etc. this also isn’t a full list of every STI.

@rain you will almost never get a test for herpes unless you have open sores or ask for one, because about 80% of sexually active people have some form of herpes, it just might not be symptomatic.

now, if we’re talking how often someone should be tested, i usually give 2 different answers. for someone who’s sexually active and usually uses condoms, maybe have multiple partners, i would recommend getting tested every 4-6 months, even if you don’t have symptoms.

@rain 4/5 STI infections have no symptoms AT ALL. this means that even if a partner has never had any symptoms they can still transmit STIs to other partners. there are also STIs that can transmit even if someone is wearing a condom (skin to skin contact around the genitals/pelvis).

my other answer, for folks who really want to be super safe & careful, is get tested before sex with any new partner. obvs this doesn’t work for everyone’s lifestyle, but it’s an option.

@rain as for how often people should get tested, this one also depends on the /kind/ of STI test someone gets. there are HIV tests with a turnaround of 10 days, where back in 2015 the best we had required a 2 month window for accurate results. however, for every STI the window is different, so talk to a medical professional about the type of test you’ll be taking, and they can give you a window for your situation & their tests. broadly, we recommend 2 weeks.

@rain as for what’s the most important to be tested for....follow a dr’s advice. if you want a comprehensive panel, let them know! the most common STIs are syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, HPV, herpes, Hep B, and HIV. of those, HPV, herpes, Hep B, and HIV are incurable, but have treatments! syphilis, gonorrhea, and chlamydia are all curable and usually have little to no negative long term effects if treated soon after infection (like, within 6mo-2yrs).

@rain i think that’s the main points- my only other piece of advice is be open and transparent with prospective partners about testing and boundaries! getting tested together is a great way to show how you care for someone ❤️ and after you get the results (within 5-10 days, sometimes sooner) you can sex it up knowing you’re keeping one another safe & healthy! 1/2 of all adults will get an STI by the time they’re 25. most are no big deal! STIs are just a normal part of life. 🥳

@bee Do you have any advice on how to navigate testing if I have a phobia of (among other things) blood tests?

@someonetellmetosleep absolutely! if you want to avoid blood tests you can tell your nurse to do an oral test instead for HIV, if that’s a primary concern, or only do the blood test for HIV/syphilis/Hep B once per year. i had a severe phobia of needles for many years and struggled to do blood tests, but for me getting them done frequently helped me overcome it. it’s also a great idea to bring a friend who knows how to soothe you! you can still do urine/swab tests!

@bee I had never heard of an HIV swab test. Is it not standard because it's less accurate?

And my phobia actually got worse after I had to do a bunch of blood tests in a short period before they finally diagnosed me with chronic migraines w/o aura, so I think I'd need to do less severe exposure at least to start.

@someonetellmetosleep super valid! and it’s actually highly accurate! it’s a cheek swab, you get results in 30mins, and it’s pretty excellent! if you get a pos result they often want to do a followup blood test but it’s actually very accurate. they’re available for free at most LGBTQ centers/spaces.

@bird this is such a valid concern!! generally if i were in a classroom i would answer this with the “anything is possible” approach bcs caution is always a good idea. in reality, if you’ve wiped off your hands thoroughly, that sperm is going to be haaaaard pressed to survive. the vagina is not a friendly environment. the chances are low. but miracles do happen, so for 100% safety, and your peace of mind, wash your hands or use gloves!

@s0 Yes! Eep I didn’t realize the link would change! lemme make a follow-up

@s0 Okay it should work now! I didn’t realize it was tied to the username. :$

@hummingrain feel free to keep submitting! i probably won’t answer tonight but i’m happy to keep answering! i’ll probably make a new post tomorrow 🥰