AMA Sex Ed edition! 馃崚 

Hi y鈥檃ll! Happy Thursday! 馃専

I really miss doing anonymous questions with my students so here鈥檚 a chance to ask any/all questions about sex, health, or relationships you may have had on your mind!

Unlike my students, you can also ask me personal questions and I鈥檒l answer within reason!

If y鈥檃ll really enjoy this, I鈥檓 also happy to make this a regular thing! 馃崚

AMA Sex Ed edition! 馃崚 

A great first question! 馃専 How can you tell the difference between safe and unsafe sex toys?

馃崚 Anonymous Question: Is it really uncommon for trans women to enjoy topping? 

Another fantastic question!!

馃崚 Anonymous Question: Tips for eating out someone with a vagina? 

love to give sex tips! most how-tos around vulvas are filled with truly terrible advice.

馃崚 Anonymous Question: When does porn and fantasy become problematic? 

I love discussing porn! Let鈥檚 get into it!

馃崚 Anonymous Question: Pregnancy risk for people on testosterone? 

There are no studies showing testosterone is an adequate birth control measure! Safety first!

馃崚 Anonymous Question: Is it normal for libido to be inconsistent? 

Short answer: YES! Long answer: also yes.

馃崚 Anonymous Question: How can I make casual sex less awkward? 

I hear this question all the time! The messaging we get around hookup culture and how to communicate during sex is so inadequate!

i鈥檓 reaching capacity for right now, so i鈥檓 going to take a break! feel free to keep sending in questions, all of them will eventually be answered! 馃崚

sidenote, my venmo is @ juicebat, shoot me a tip for the free labor & expertise if you have the coin!

Anonymous Question 馃崚: Dating while autistic? 

Okay, I鈥檓 back! I got a kitten appointment for the cutie in 30 but I鈥檒l be answering questions for the rest of the night! Keep sending them!

This is a super valid question, especially considering COVID!

馃崚 Anonymous Question: How to be okay with being vulnerable with others, especially if you have trauma around vulnerability? 

Another stellar question- and the fact that you asked it proves you鈥檙e already on the right track! Recognizing our boundaries is the first step to respecting them!

馃崚 Anonymous Question: Sex Ed Book Recs? 

Here鈥檚 the link to the list I mentioned:

There are also TONS of great sex ed podcasts out there! And amazing educators doing work on instagram! Most of the educators I follow are kink, disability, or racial justice centered- if you have questions about them lemme know and I can recommend some!

My only other rec is a shoutout to Ericka Hart M.Ed. (@ ihartericka on instagram). They teach me more every day!

馃崚 Anonymous Question: How do I get started in kink? 

Honestly if there鈥檚 not a kink instance yet then there should be... kinksters would love mastodon. They already really like twitter, and we鈥檙e just better twitter!

馃崚 Anonymous Question: Tips for trans and cis folks with a smaller dick? 

Such a great question! I鈥檓 biased answering this question- small dicks are my favorite dicks. 馃コ

馃崚 Anonymous Question: How to stay engaged when masturbating? 

Flying solo is great! But engaging with our bodies in the moment is a practice in mindfulness, and can be really hard (ha ha) in the moment!

馃崚 Anonymous Question: Quarantine dating? Dating apps? 

Ah, tinder, where our hopes go to die.

馃崚 Anonymous Question: How to be more assertive with boundaries and needs? 

Practice makes....better than it was before!

okay, time for another break! whew! 馃崚

thank you to y鈥檃ll donating to my venmo (@/juicebat), i鈥檒l be finding out if i lose my job and health insurance on wednesday so i鈥檓 pretty stressed about money at the moment & every bit helps!

馃崚 Anonymous Question: How do I transition a relationship from monogamous to polyam? 

alright! back in it with another super common question! there are lots of better folks to answer this than me (folks who have been in successful poly relationships for longer) but....here鈥檚 the advice i do have!

馃崚 Anonymous Question: Do I have an onlyfans? 

Not yet, but it鈥檚 in the works!

Show newer

I鈥檓 totally down to keep answering questions! Ask away! :^)

馃崚 Anonymous Question: Is it really uncommon for trans women to enjoy topping? 

@bee this is a really good answer :3

馃崚 Anonymous Question: Is it really uncommon for trans women to enjoy topping? 

@rabbithearth 7 years of experience paying off! 馃槈

@bee this thread is awesome, thanks so much for sharing your wisdom!!

馃崚 Anonymous Question: How do I get started in kink? 

@bee your Anon could follow some folks in, I haven't seen much of the community yet but it seems like a cool place from my initial foray :eyes: 馃枻

馃崚 Anonymous Question: How to be okay with being vulnerable with others, especially if you have trauma around vulnerability? 

@bee a good resource on this is Clementine Morrigan's work they're on insta. some of it is about polyamory but also just sex n trauma in general

AMA Sex Ed edition! 馃崚 

@bee is it okay to ask questions here too?

AMA Sex Ed edition! 馃崚 

@rain yes absolutely!!

AMA Sex Ed edition! 馃崚 

@bee okay so my question is basically, what should people know about sti testing?

but specifically, what all do you need to get tested for? (like, what's available and what's the most important?) is there a waiting period for results so like, you should go at least n days in advance of anticipated sexual activity? how often should you get tested? stuff like that.

AMA Sex Ed edition! 馃崚 

@rain oh my gosh! amazing question! this will probably be a multi-part answer bcs of character limits but...

when people are getting tested for STIs, say, they had an anonymous partner, didn鈥檛 use protection, and want to get a 鈥渇ull鈥 STI panel, there are three types of tests that will probably happen: swab, urine, and blood. all three test for different STIs (with some overlap) but most of the time, only a few STIs are being tested for at most places. 1/?

AMA Sex Ed edition! 馃崚 

@rain i鈥檓 going to use planned parenthood as an example because they鈥檙e kinda the gold standard for free/low cost STI testing!

at my local PP clinic, if you鈥檙e asking for a 鈥渇ull鈥 STI panel, you鈥檙e getting a blood test for HIV, hep B, and syphilis, a urine test for gonorrhea and chlamydia, and maybe a swab test or culture, if you have sores or pus. again, this will depend on region, where you go to get tested, etc. this also isn鈥檛 a full list of every STI.

AMA Sex Ed edition! 馃崚 

@rain you will almost never get a test for herpes unless you have open sores or ask for one, because about 80% of sexually active people have some form of herpes, it just might not be symptomatic.

now, if we鈥檙e talking how often someone should be tested, i usually give 2 different answers. for someone who鈥檚 sexually active and usually uses condoms, maybe have multiple partners, i would recommend getting tested every 4-6 months, even if you don鈥檛 have symptoms.

AMA Sex Ed edition! 馃崚 

@rain 4/5 STI infections have no symptoms AT ALL. this means that even if a partner has never had any symptoms they can still transmit STIs to other partners. there are also STIs that can transmit even if someone is wearing a condom (skin to skin contact around the genitals/pelvis).

my other answer, for folks who really want to be super safe & careful, is get tested before sex with any new partner. obvs this doesn鈥檛 work for everyone鈥檚 lifestyle, but it鈥檚 an option.

AMA Sex Ed edition! 馃崚 

@rain as for how often people should get tested, this one also depends on the /kind/ of STI test someone gets. there are HIV tests with a turnaround of 10 days, where back in 2015 the best we had required a 2 month window for accurate results. however, for every STI the window is different, so talk to a medical professional about the type of test you鈥檒l be taking, and they can give you a window for your situation & their tests. broadly, we recommend 2 weeks.

AMA Sex Ed edition! 馃崚 

@rain as for what鈥檚 the most important to be tested for....follow a dr鈥檚 advice. if you want a comprehensive panel, let them know! the most common STIs are syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, HPV, herpes, Hep B, and HIV. of those, HPV, herpes, Hep B, and HIV are incurable, but have treatments! syphilis, gonorrhea, and chlamydia are all curable and usually have little to no negative long term effects if treated soon after infection (like, within 6mo-2yrs).

AMA Sex Ed edition! 馃崚 

@rain i think that鈥檚 the main points- my only other piece of advice is be open and transparent with prospective partners about testing and boundaries! getting tested together is a great way to show how you care for someone 鉂わ笍 and after you get the results (within 5-10 days, sometimes sooner) you can sex it up knowing you鈥檙e keeping one another safe & healthy! 1/2 of all adults will get an STI by the time they鈥檙e 25. most are no big deal! STIs are just a normal part of life. 馃コ

AMA Sex Ed edition! 馃崚 

@bee Do you have any advice on how to navigate testing if I have a phobia of (among other things) blood tests?

AMA Sex Ed edition! 馃崚 

@someonetellmetosleep absolutely! if you want to avoid blood tests you can tell your nurse to do an oral test instead for HIV, if that鈥檚 a primary concern, or only do the blood test for HIV/syphilis/Hep B once per year. i had a severe phobia of needles for many years and struggled to do blood tests, but for me getting them done frequently helped me overcome it. it鈥檚 also a great idea to bring a friend who knows how to soothe you! you can still do urine/swab tests!

AMA Sex Ed edition! 馃崚 

@bee I had never heard of an HIV swab test. Is it not standard because it's less accurate?

And my phobia actually got worse after I had to do a bunch of blood tests in a short period before they finally diagnosed me with chronic migraines w/o aura, so I think I'd need to do less severe exposure at least to start.

AMA Sex Ed edition! 馃崚 

@someonetellmetosleep super valid! and it鈥檚 actually highly accurate! it鈥檚 a cheek swab, you get results in 30mins, and it鈥檚 pretty excellent! if you get a pos result they often want to do a followup blood test but it鈥檚 actually very accurate. they鈥檙e available for free at most LGBTQ centers/spaces.

AMA Sex Ed edition! 馃崚 

@bee I have these invasive paranoia thoughts of getting pregnant from fingering after wiping semen off my hands. Should I be worried about this as much as I am? Like, my paranoid part of myself believes use of lube will allow leftover sperm in my hands to persist because the lube isn't acidic.

I don't really know the facts on this since the only sex ed I got was "condom everything all the time even oral" and not much beyond that like likelihood of pregnancy for different situations

AMA Sex Ed edition! 馃崚 

@bird this is such a valid concern!! generally if i were in a classroom i would answer this with the 鈥渁nything is possible鈥 approach bcs caution is always a good idea. in reality, if you鈥檝e wiped off your hands thoroughly, that sperm is going to be haaaaard pressed to survive. the vagina is not a friendly environment. the chances are low. but miracles do happen, so for 100% safety, and your peace of mind, wash your hands or use gloves!

AMA Sex Ed edition! 馃崚 

@bee I saw this got deactivated, would it be possible to do another one kept available for longer for folks in different time zones/time spent on fedi?

AMA Sex Ed edition! 馃崚 

@s0 Yes! Eep I didn鈥檛 realize the link would change! lemme make a follow-up

AMA Sex Ed edition! 馃崚 

@s0 Okay it should work now! I didn鈥檛 realize it was tied to the username. :$

AMA Sex Ed edition! 馃崚 

@bee (Hey are you still taking questions for this or should I wait until the next Thursday you want to do this to submit something?)

AMA Sex Ed edition! 馃崚 

@hummingrain feel free to keep submitting! i probably won鈥檛 answer tonight but i鈥檓 happy to keep answering! i鈥檒l probably make a new post tomorrow 馃グ

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